only 2 weeks left...??

I just realized a few days ago. I only have 2 weeks left here in Haniville before we leave for Cape Town, and then for the US. It blows my mind to think that time has passed so quickly. God has been involved every minute and my team and I are excited to see what God has to offer in the next few weeks here.

It has been a crazy month and a half, realizing who I thought I was and watching as a spectator as God has torn apart, put together, and rearranged all of the things that I thought I was. Oh the beauty of realizing that True Love was there all along, that the future is not something to be feared, and that God walks as a Shepherd before me through all things that I have faced, am facing, and ever will face in the future. Much less to say, that while I still am uncertain of the future, I am certain of one thing: I am not alone.

I cannot even believe how many pages that I have filled in my journals expressing the things that God has been doing here, the things He has been teaching me, the people He has been bringing into my life here. These relationships are so unlike the ones I made while I was here on study abroad. I live here at Walk In The Light. I am directly across the street from Haniville. Only the pouring rain that makes cascading notes on the metal roof keeps my team inside, and away from our new friends and family. The relationships here are so beautiful. I have never been so close to people whom I have only known for 2 months.

Pieter, one of the workers here at WITL, has been such an encouragement to our team. Through the time being here, he has mentored each of us in his own way. Today and yesterday he encouraged me by telling me that he loves seeing me work behind the scenes, noticing things that I didn't think other people noticed. It was so wonderful hearing how much God is going to do in my life, and how excited he is for my future. He said to not fear the future, because God does amazing things in the lives of those who are willing. I desire so strongly to be obedient to what God calls me to do, and it is so encouraging knowing that one of my brothers in Christ is being encouraged by my presence here. God, you are so good!!

Then there is my relationship with Sne, a girl whom I have gotten extremely close to. This time here would not be the same without her. I believe that God has brought me here specifically to be a light of His love to her. Her hope and faith is beyond my understanding. Everything seems to be going wrong around her, yet she seeks God. She hurts, and rightly so. Her heart breaks, and seeing it happen breaks mine. Things that happen here don't happen in America--things I am not used to seeing, things that I wish I could ignore but now realize that I can't. But these things keep happening and God's heart is breaking within my own chest. I can't look away, just as God doesn't look away.

I'm going with 2 girls on my team, Kris and Gabby, and with 3 girls from Jr Youth--Sne, Noluthando, and Thobeka--to the mall to get dinner tomorrow night. It will be so wonderful just to get them away for even 2 hours. I can't wait to get to just talk with them in a different context, where its safe to say things that might not be encouraged to talk about within the township. I just want to continue knowing her. Her story is painful but God will use it to bring beauty. She wants to act and sing. I told her that if she set her mind to it, she could. I want to see her go through school, graduate from matric, and reach her dreams. She has so much passion when she sings. Her passion rubs off on me in a way that I cannot explain. Her pain is real, yet she chooses hope and joy instead.

I guess the easiest way to end this would be to say that I am beyond excited to see what God does in these last 2 weeks here in Haniville. But to say that these are the last two weeks would be somewhat deceiving. While I will be returning to the US in 3 weeks from now, I know that God will bring me back here again. This is not my last time in South Africa, not my last time in Haniville, not my last time at Walk In The Light. I have been praying about this alot and, while I'm not sure when God will have me return, I know that I will return. I don't think I could live my life without seeing Sne again, without going on clinic runs, without hanging with Sihle and Tesh, without talking to Pieter or Phindile, without going to Zulu church, without saying "Sawubona" and having everyone respond with "Yebo," without picking sugar cane with the kids, without getting my hands dirty and doing it in the name of God. I can't live my life knowing that Haniville is here, that pain is here, that God is here. I can't live my life without this place, without these people. I know that I am leaving in 2 weeks but I know that God will bring me back here. Whether it is in 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years, I know that God has called me here. I will not deny that call, and I seek the time and opportunity when God finally tells me that it is time to return. What a beautiful reunion it will be, but in the next two weeks, I will live every day to its fullest, knowing that God has me here today for a reason.