We got into the truck and drove around town for two hours. We ended up in a dry grass field. There were plastic bottles and mounds of dirt all around. We were in a graveyard, for a funeral of a man whom we had never met. I could not keep tears in as I watched an auntie lose two sons--one who had been killed, and the other who had been put in jail. No family should have to lose two sons in one day. The wife of the man being buried lost her husband. All that she said was that her heart aches. Over and over, "my heart won't stop aching for him." Her belly bore the man's unborn child. No woman should lose her husband. No child should lose his father before even meeting him.
As the cold, lifeless tractor came to life and filled the ground with dirt, Pastor Shipo began to preach of how God was taking back His child. A man of only 25 lay in the ground as his friends and loved ones and family watched. There were few tears. This death is not new for this family. This is such a cold reality.
In this moment, my tears were more than those of the man's auntie or wife. Their hearts were broken but their faces did not show it. As his body and his earthly possessions lay within the earth, we stand above and eave this place with only half a glimpse of what death looks like. There is singing for him and soon he will be singing with Christ. But for now, all that remains are the tears and plastic bottles in the tall dry grass.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Hungry.
Earlier this week I had the opportunity to drop off food packs and clothing packs with my team... I was immediately reminded of the weakness and frailty of humanity. We dropped off food to a man who lived in Paquis, a township next to Haniville that has no electricity or running water. Those who are sick require others to bring them food and carry water up the hill. It brought tears to my eyes. Seeing the man's frail body laying there gave me a new appreciation for the body I have. Later that day, we also picked up an older couple from the hospital. The man, who was 70 years old, has HIV/AIDS, TB and kidney/liver problems. They had been there for almost 12 hours, waiting to be seen by the doctor. Just seeing them made me think again about the fragility of the human frame. Seeing her love for him and care for him, again brought tears to my eyes.
Even more than this, playing with the little boys of Haniville was unbearable. I played with Sphe, Cepo, Sianda, Ngo, Mbali and many other children. Most of the boys just wanted to ride on my back as I ran around... dancing circles and circles through and around the other boys playing soccer.
Of all the boys, one stood out to me. Ngo kept following me and smiled whenever I looked at him. He would ask to ride on my back and was almost falling asleep. He could be no more than 5 or 6 years old. Whenever I asked if he was tired (nyikatele), he said "no, I'm hungry." He told me that he was hungry 7 times. I couldn't help but keep my eyes from filling with tears yet again.
I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be a mother and have a child crying for food. My heart desired to feed him, even though I'm not allowed to. I know that he lives in Haniville--even the nicest house is in need. He was so sweet. He made me briefly feel how it would feel to be a mother. But as soon as he said to me that he was hungry, I began to feel this deep feeling of regret. Why am I given the opportunity to live in a place where we can eat constantly while this little one is hungry most nights when he falls asleep?
For the first time this trip, I cried deeply. I cried for this child. I cried for the sick grandparents. I cried for the hunger. I cried for those who didn't know Christ. And I cried for those who know Christ, yet still fell asleep with no food and the pains of hunger in their bellies.
Even more than this, playing with the little boys of Haniville was unbearable. I played with Sphe, Cepo, Sianda, Ngo, Mbali and many other children. Most of the boys just wanted to ride on my back as I ran around... dancing circles and circles through and around the other boys playing soccer.
Of all the boys, one stood out to me. Ngo kept following me and smiled whenever I looked at him. He would ask to ride on my back and was almost falling asleep. He could be no more than 5 or 6 years old. Whenever I asked if he was tired (nyikatele), he said "no, I'm hungry." He told me that he was hungry 7 times. I couldn't help but keep my eyes from filling with tears yet again.
I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be a mother and have a child crying for food. My heart desired to feed him, even though I'm not allowed to. I know that he lives in Haniville--even the nicest house is in need. He was so sweet. He made me briefly feel how it would feel to be a mother. But as soon as he said to me that he was hungry, I began to feel this deep feeling of regret. Why am I given the opportunity to live in a place where we can eat constantly while this little one is hungry most nights when he falls asleep?
For the first time this trip, I cried deeply. I cried for this child. I cried for the sick grandparents. I cried for the hunger. I cried for those who didn't know Christ. And I cried for those who know Christ, yet still fell asleep with no food and the pains of hunger in their bellies.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Church. Called again to new life.
Church was this morning. The things that hit me this morning are beyond what I have felt for a long time, possibly since the first time being in South Africa.
This cannot be it. My life must be more than I have allowed it to be. Church was already a huge awakening. Even though the flame may be small now, it can and it must light the entire room. I need to live this more boldly, God how does that look?
It was good to be here for Church, just seeing the people that I had gotten to know and getting to worship with them again. The whole service was wonderful. We got in at 8:45 after practicing a song to sing in church. My team opted for me to lead Blessed is the Name of the Lord. When we went in, women were already worshiping; there were few but their heart was so strong. We finally began service and many more people poured in from all of Haniville.
There was so much time spent singing, then the Word was opened, then more song, and then dance. Then two women shared their testimonies of God’s power in their life. Then we sang more and then shared our own song. Of course the people were much quieter during our song but they still enjoyed it.
Then the FoxFires came up and performed many dances. They performed the Lifehouse—Everything skit and I can’t begin to say the emotions that welled up within me. My heart is always so encouraged by that skit; just being reminded of all the battles that Christ has fought for me and He has won them all!!!
A 24 year old woman from FoxFires shared her personal testimony and encouraged me beyond belief. She had been born into a married home but her parents divorced when she was 5. She lived with her mother until her dad got custody. Her father got remarried and everything changed. She was no longer getting the love from him that she needed and desired. She began seeking love from relationships with men and became very rebellious. Then she was raped. She moved in with her mother and sisters to get away from everything and began going to church with her mother. She accepted Christ but, when she moved back with her father, she lost the discipleship that she needed. She was raped again and decided that she needed to change her life. She moved back in with her mother so she could be nearer to church and soon after that, both her mother and sister got very sick. She had to take care of them but both eventually passed away on the same day. Yet somehow she is still praising God. While she has lost so much, she has God. In living a life where all has been taken and she still chose to praise God, how can this be?
How can there be so much faith to press on and endure even the most trying of circumstances? It is in this that I am reminded of the peace that He alone can give, the comfort that He alone can give, the joy. How can we continue to sing “Bless the Lord, oh my soul” when our hearts are weary? We cannot do it alone, He gives us the strength to stand and sing, “bless the Lord, oh my soul.”
We are not alone; He is good, He is enough, we are not alone.
This cannot be it. My life must be more than I have allowed it to be. Church was already a huge awakening. Even though the flame may be small now, it can and it must light the entire room. I need to live this more boldly, God how does that look?
It was good to be here for Church, just seeing the people that I had gotten to know and getting to worship with them again. The whole service was wonderful. We got in at 8:45 after practicing a song to sing in church. My team opted for me to lead Blessed is the Name of the Lord. When we went in, women were already worshiping; there were few but their heart was so strong. We finally began service and many more people poured in from all of Haniville.
There was so much time spent singing, then the Word was opened, then more song, and then dance. Then two women shared their testimonies of God’s power in their life. Then we sang more and then shared our own song. Of course the people were much quieter during our song but they still enjoyed it.
Then the FoxFires came up and performed many dances. They performed the Lifehouse—Everything skit and I can’t begin to say the emotions that welled up within me. My heart is always so encouraged by that skit; just being reminded of all the battles that Christ has fought for me and He has won them all!!!
A 24 year old woman from FoxFires shared her personal testimony and encouraged me beyond belief. She had been born into a married home but her parents divorced when she was 5. She lived with her mother until her dad got custody. Her father got remarried and everything changed. She was no longer getting the love from him that she needed and desired. She began seeking love from relationships with men and became very rebellious. Then she was raped. She moved in with her mother and sisters to get away from everything and began going to church with her mother. She accepted Christ but, when she moved back with her father, she lost the discipleship that she needed. She was raped again and decided that she needed to change her life. She moved back in with her mother so she could be nearer to church and soon after that, both her mother and sister got very sick. She had to take care of them but both eventually passed away on the same day. Yet somehow she is still praising God. While she has lost so much, she has God. In living a life where all has been taken and she still chose to praise God, how can this be?
How can there be so much faith to press on and endure even the most trying of circumstances? It is in this that I am reminded of the peace that He alone can give, the comfort that He alone can give, the joy. How can we continue to sing “Bless the Lord, oh my soul” when our hearts are weary? We cannot do it alone, He gives us the strength to stand and sing, “bless the Lord, oh my soul.”
We are not alone; He is good, He is enough, we are not alone.
Off the plane and enjoying my second home...
I can't even begin to tell each and everyone of you how excited I am to be here right now. I am loving every single second of this experience.
In the moments before I got into Johannesburg airport, I was feeling such a crazy mix of emotions. I was about to get off in Johannesburg, get onto a domestic flight to Durban, then take the familiar African Enterprise bus to Haniville and Walk In The Light. All that I could think about was what God's plans are for our team, and what God's plans are for Haniville. I found myself in a state of desperation, a desperate need for an answer from God, a sense of peace. That peace is what I found as soon as I stepped off the plane.
As soon as I got off the plane, my immediate thought was that I get the opportunity to worship again soon. I would get to reexperience the joy and hope that I once saw displayed so vividly the first time I was here. I again was desiring to see Him move and reveal why I am here again. What is His purpose with bringing me back? I know that I was supposed to come back. And here I am. Ready.
One of the most exciting things was getting to walk through Haniville on the first day here. Just getting to see the girls that I had grown to love in Fall 2009, yet they had mysteriously grown up. Seeing how the girls had changed and how their families had shifted and swayed under and around them. One of the girls I had gotten so close to, Ayo, had lost her grandfather recently. She had already lost her parents many years ago to HIV/AIDS. Now that her grandfather has passed away from TB and AIDS, she is now left with her grandmother and older sister. It is so unbelievable to imagine the pain that so many people experience here on a daily basis. It hit me hard, I am back and things are still painfully the same.
I realize that I am already missing my church, the girls from camp and VBS, and all my friends and family at home. It is in this moment that I realize that I am supposed to be here. He has called me to carry my cross (Hebrews 12), and I hope that this is what He meant when He told me I was to be coming back. I am feeling a sense of peace in this obedience. I know that He desires me to be back and I can't wait to see what He will continue to do in the next few days. Perseverance, Faith, and Love... these are things that He calls me to--press through to the VERY END and live each moment with love, awaiting the next with faith. He knows what He is doing.
As Reg Codrington said when I got off the plane, "Welcome home." Yes, I am home. Fresh off the plane and home. I miss my other home, but indeed, I am home.
In the moments before I got into Johannesburg airport, I was feeling such a crazy mix of emotions. I was about to get off in Johannesburg, get onto a domestic flight to Durban, then take the familiar African Enterprise bus to Haniville and Walk In The Light. All that I could think about was what God's plans are for our team, and what God's plans are for Haniville. I found myself in a state of desperation, a desperate need for an answer from God, a sense of peace. That peace is what I found as soon as I stepped off the plane.
As soon as I got off the plane, my immediate thought was that I get the opportunity to worship again soon. I would get to reexperience the joy and hope that I once saw displayed so vividly the first time I was here. I again was desiring to see Him move and reveal why I am here again. What is His purpose with bringing me back? I know that I was supposed to come back. And here I am. Ready.
One of the most exciting things was getting to walk through Haniville on the first day here. Just getting to see the girls that I had grown to love in Fall 2009, yet they had mysteriously grown up. Seeing how the girls had changed and how their families had shifted and swayed under and around them. One of the girls I had gotten so close to, Ayo, had lost her grandfather recently. She had already lost her parents many years ago to HIV/AIDS. Now that her grandfather has passed away from TB and AIDS, she is now left with her grandmother and older sister. It is so unbelievable to imagine the pain that so many people experience here on a daily basis. It hit me hard, I am back and things are still painfully the same.
I realize that I am already missing my church, the girls from camp and VBS, and all my friends and family at home. It is in this moment that I realize that I am supposed to be here. He has called me to carry my cross (Hebrews 12), and I hope that this is what He meant when He told me I was to be coming back. I am feeling a sense of peace in this obedience. I know that He desires me to be back and I can't wait to see what He will continue to do in the next few days. Perseverance, Faith, and Love... these are things that He calls me to--press through to the VERY END and live each moment with love, awaiting the next with faith. He knows what He is doing.
As Reg Codrington said when I got off the plane, "Welcome home." Yes, I am home. Fresh off the plane and home. I miss my other home, but indeed, I am home.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Faithful...
The flight is only 2 days away... the bags are packed.
In only 2 days. This coming Tuesday. 9:30 PM.
I will be getting on a plane at LAX, to London, to South Africa. again.
In all things, God has been faithful.
There is absolutely no way for me to possibly explain how I am currently feeling. It is such a wonderful, awe-inspired, crazy, excited, overwhelmingly beautiful feeling. I will be returning to the land that I love in two days. While it is a 32hour flight, I know that it will be 32 hours of unrealistic wonder. How is it possible that the time has come so quickly to return? It seems like only yesterday that I was sitting at the chapel at the African Enterprise campus in November 2009. It was then that I knew that eventually I would be coming back. I didn't know when or how long eventually would take, I just knew that God was telling me that I would return. I can't believe that eventually is finally here.
In all things, God has been faithful.
I was at church this morning and was moved to tears when Pastor prayed for me and my team. I know that it has been the support of this loving church family that has made my trip possible. The love and generosity and prayers of all my family and friends has made it possible. God's will for me to return with this wonderful team of people has made it possible. There are so many things that I had expected to happen during college--lots of classes, new friends, hopefully graduation--but who am I that God would bless me with the opportunity to go to South Africa... not once, but twice??
In all things, God has been faithful.
My first time there was an amazing time of growth for me, just in realizing that my life isn't my own. He has a will for me, and a path, and a direction. None of those are my choice, they are all things that He has predestined for me before He gave me life. He knew that in two days from now I would be getting onto a plane to go back to the land that taught me that God alone is enough, God alone brings true peace, and God alone can sustain your every need. He has provided for my financial, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs in returning to South Africa. He is currently in the process of reopening my heart for a new adventure and a time of renewal and enlightenment. I desperately need to be woken up again, to be reminded of the passion that He once filled my heart with in Fall 2009. He taught me that He alone will ever be enough. In two days, I am going back.
In ALL things, God is, was, and will be faithful.
In only 2 days. This coming Tuesday. 9:30 PM.
I will be getting on a plane at LAX, to London, to South Africa. again.
In all things, God has been faithful.
There is absolutely no way for me to possibly explain how I am currently feeling. It is such a wonderful, awe-inspired, crazy, excited, overwhelmingly beautiful feeling. I will be returning to the land that I love in two days. While it is a 32hour flight, I know that it will be 32 hours of unrealistic wonder. How is it possible that the time has come so quickly to return? It seems like only yesterday that I was sitting at the chapel at the African Enterprise campus in November 2009. It was then that I knew that eventually I would be coming back. I didn't know when or how long eventually would take, I just knew that God was telling me that I would return. I can't believe that eventually is finally here.
In all things, God has been faithful.
I was at church this morning and was moved to tears when Pastor prayed for me and my team. I know that it has been the support of this loving church family that has made my trip possible. The love and generosity and prayers of all my family and friends has made it possible. God's will for me to return with this wonderful team of people has made it possible. There are so many things that I had expected to happen during college--lots of classes, new friends, hopefully graduation--but who am I that God would bless me with the opportunity to go to South Africa... not once, but twice??
In all things, God has been faithful.
My first time there was an amazing time of growth for me, just in realizing that my life isn't my own. He has a will for me, and a path, and a direction. None of those are my choice, they are all things that He has predestined for me before He gave me life. He knew that in two days from now I would be getting onto a plane to go back to the land that taught me that God alone is enough, God alone brings true peace, and God alone can sustain your every need. He has provided for my financial, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs in returning to South Africa. He is currently in the process of reopening my heart for a new adventure and a time of renewal and enlightenment. I desperately need to be woken up again, to be reminded of the passion that He once filled my heart with in Fall 2009. He taught me that He alone will ever be enough. In two days, I am going back.
In ALL things, God is, was, and will be faithful.
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